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Did you know, when you’re busy, masturbate is normally the first thing to do? And by that, I mean you literally just don’t do it at all. Because the second life becomes remotely stressful, I forget that I have a clitoris. Right now, my life is fucking stressful—well, without fucking. That’s when my clitoris demanded an intervention. I said, “Hey, maybe you should try to masturbate every day before work!”— maybe I dreamt that? Regardless, I jumped (vagina first) at the opportunity, why not masturbate every morning for a month? Clever though, so I’m here now.